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Chapter Six: The Marketing Dept
By DC Green | 22 August 2009 |
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Page 1 of 2
 I bumped tables. I was about to dine with two of the most famous surfers alive! My team-mates!! Wearing a sparkling leotard, Catbird shimmied to her feet. My jaw hit the floor. Her figure was amazing – and covered in scarlet fur! ‘So… you’re the hotshot Zack Carver?’ Catbird wiggled her wings, and her boobs followed suit. ‘Welcome to Team Ripaquikbong!’ I gulped. ‘That’s, um… me good.’ ‘Dig in.’ The cigar-chomping Dolphin Bloke nodded at the sprawl of steaming dishes. ‘I heard Darth Staker cut up yer sister back on Dense. She okay?’ I looked down. ‘Annie’s still unconscious, Mr… Bloke.’ ‘Chin up, rookie. And call me DB.’ Dolphin Bloke flippered my shoulder in a bruising but probably-friendly way. ‘Heard ya gunning for this year’s Cosmic Surf Wars title. Darth Staker’s already racked up 2,800 points. How many you racked?’ ‘Um… 1,000.’ ‘Then ya better start winning some heats, rookie!’ DB fired me a grin. ‘Oh, and because ya survived Darth’s attack, he’ll be gunning for ya. Don’t worry though. Darth guns for everyone. He’s deadlier than ever this year. Murdered seven surfers already, including my mate B’ruce G’ort. Hospitalised four more. Pass the dolphin-free tuna.’ ‘How do you guys compete against that… machine?’ ‘Simple, cutie.’ Catbird’s whiskers twitched. ‘On my first wave, I do an aerial – and I stay in the air until the heat’s over!’ DB belched. ‘Darth’s a good surfer, especially in the big stuff. But he’s beatable. Ya just have to get two high-scoring waves without him dropping in and killing ya. I know that’s hard, coz yer a human, and slow, and have no sonar. And ya cut, bleed and die easily – which is why so few humans still compete on the tour, I guess. But if ya can just surf faster than Darth, ya might live. That is, until ya have to surf against me!’ My chair collapsed. I crashed to the floor. The restaurant shook. Out bounced the garlic rolls I’d pocketed for Crusty Carl. ‘Heh.’ I blushed. ‘Better lay off those ewok nachos, rookie.’ DB tore off his napkin. ‘Now… we’re off to wild, unexplored space in search of perfect waves! It’s surfari time!!’ I scratched my head. ‘If this planet’s so unexplored, how come it has a worm-train connection, zapp-taxis and fancy restaurants like this?’ Catbird batted her luscious eye-lids. ‘So young to be so cynical!’ * * *
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