ADVERTISEMENT

A Hustler’s Paradise

A hustler's guide to the North Shore.

High-rises jut out of the mountain landscape like dirty yellow teeth as we make our way to Waikiki on the six-lane H1 highway. We’ve just polished off a big apple-flavoured blunt, filled with potent Cali skunk. As the afternoon sun caresses my face, and the marijuana reverberates in my brain, I am forced to consider the obscene run of events that has led my life to this point. Right here. Right now.

“It’s a good business model,” says Brett, rather majestically, as he sits in the backseat of his newly purchased extendable Lincoln Towncar – or what to the untrained eye might look like a limousine. But it’s not. It’s a Lincoln Towncar, with a cabin that’s been extended ten feet. Still, it’s impressive, especially considering a roundtrip from the North Shore to Waikiki in it comes at the low low price of USD$20.

Brett’s right. It is a good business model. He’s been hard on the hustle ever since he was fired from the House of Foo aka Foo’s Backpakers aka Plantation Village in Waimea, where he was the manager. Brett thinks the limousine might have belonged to Jamie O’Brien before him, though he’s not sure. We’re among his first customers and this trip is the acid test by which he and his three business partners (they’re in here too) are going to judge whether their plan is going to work. Which explains the whipper snipper at my feet (they’re gonna get it fixed on the way). It’s a classic hustle.

If America is a country on the hustle, Hawaii is the hustler’s paradise. And the promise land within the paradise is definitely the North Shore of Oahu. From it’s humble beginnings as a no-bullshit bastion of big wave hellmen, hard cunts and, well, hustlers, it’s become of one of the most prized slices of real-estate in America. Houses go for millions round here and the men who put it on the map, the likes of former Quiksilver boss Bob Mcknight and the Da Hui’s Eddie Rothman (both mainlanders originally) have both done very well off the back it. So too have many native Hawaiians, along with the early hippies that set-up shop here. But herein lies the great paradox of he North Shore. While groups like Keep The Country Country (a consortium of locals opposed to development of the North Shore) have proved incredibly effective in preserving the rustic charm of the seven mile miracle, it’s also created a total vacuum of affordable lodging. A hundred bucks a night is the standard, making the North Shore by far the most expensive surf town I’ve ever been to (and I’ve been to ’em all).

It’s an incredibly hard place to survive for anyone whose not a millionaire, long time resident or pro surfer with access to a team house. It’s a hustle just to stay afloat on the North Shore and everyone from local charger, Ezra Sitt (who owns a Pilly Cheesesteak Food Van) to Brett and his Lincoln Towncar, are in on it.

jed-insert When on the North Shore author Jed Smith will always hustle in style.

For the budget traveller, there is only one place to stay and you’ll find it just around the corner from Waimea Bay marked by the fluoro flowers on the letterbox. It’s called Plantation Village aka Penetration Village aka the House of Foo and was built by the legendary late Hawaiian big wave surfer himself, Mark Foo. In a moment of altruism that far outlasted his short but exceptional life, Foo took it upon himself to create what remains the only affordable lodging on the North Shore. Himself, a hustler looking for a way to fund his love of riding big waves, Foo would famously drive his Honda Civic hatchback all over the island loading up the trailer with salvaged sinks, benches, chairs, tables and whatever else was on the go, then drag it all back to be fitted into his castle. He died in December 1994 in a tragic accident at Mavericks and 20 years later, nearly to the day, I arrived at his house, now run by his sister, Sharlin. What a sacred shit-heap it was.

Poverty makes strange bedfellows, as the saying goes, and nowhere was this truer than the House of Foo. There was every kind here: an African-American prostitute from Idaho, a Latin-American-PGA-Tour golfer from Florida, at least two ex-cons, various perverts, alcoholics and drug addicts, and a guy who’d sucker punched a gay bodybuilder in New York and become a YouTube sensation (court decision pending). It felt like I’d stumbled into some kind of nirvana. A nirvana of kitsch nineties surf iconography and a lifestyle preference that will never get old. I spent three weeks in the House of Foo. Three weeks of utter insanity that I will never forget. You can read about it in the current issue of Tracks Magazine, out now.

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
SUBSCRIBE TO TRACKS
A bi-monthly eclectic tome of tangible surfing goodness that celebrates all things surfing, delivered to your door!
SUBSCRIBE NOW
HAPPENINGS
Your portal to cultural events happening in and around the surfing sphere.
Find Events
SUBSCRIBE TO TRACKS
A bi-monthly eclectic tome of tangible surfing goodness that celebrates all things surfing, delivered to your door!
SUBSCRIBE NOW
HAPPENINGS
Your portal to cultural events happening in and around the surfing sphere.
Find Events

LATEST

Ellie Harrison's dream CT debut just got a whole lot more dreamy.

Pairing Italy's famous delicacies with a healthy dose of barrels.

The formation of Goons of Doom, why you should get pissed at their gigs and what a band with Occy, Steph Gilmore, Yago Dora and Jacko Baker would sound like.

ADVERTISEMENT

PREMIUM FEATURES

Bestowing the highest praise upon a surfer.

An edited extract from ‘The Immortals of Australian Surfing’ by Phil Jarratt.

How a land-locked mainlander chased ocean dreams to the North Shore lineups and beyond.

TRACKS PREMIUM

Get full access to every feature from our print issues, read classic Tracks issues from the 70s, 80s and 90’s, watch all of our classic films & more …

TRACKS PREMIUM

Get full access to every feature from our print issues, read classic Tracks issues from the 70s, 80s and 90’s, watch all of our classic films & more …

CLASSIC ISSUES

A threat to Angourie, the death of vibes, and a tongue in cheek guide on how to become a surf star.

PREMIUM FILM

YEAR: 2008
STARRING: JOEL PARKINSON, MICK FANNING AND DEAN MORRISON

This is the last time the original cooly kids were captured together and features some of their best surfing.

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

PRINT STORE

Unmistakable and iconic, the Tracks covers from the 70s & 80s are now ready for your walls.

Tracks
Kandui Resort Interstitial