It’s amazing how good seeing someone else eat shit can make you feel. We’re a perverse bunch, us humans. When I showed this video of the 2016 Wipeout of the Year nominees to my girl, she burst out laughing at Matt Becker’s Mavericks catastrophe and then watched on for the next minute, completely enthralled. She doesn’t surf, my girl, but that’s the beautiful thing about wipeouts—to enjoy them you don’t have to. In fact, probably the less you can relate to what you’re seeing the better. That being said, us surfers can definitely still dig the five clips that follow. And because we’re a sick breed in our own right, we can break them down and pick them apart and come up with our own decisions about who really did eat the biggest bag of shit in the last twelve months.
So let’s get into it.
Matt Becker, Mavericks
Matt actually does pretty well here, which is more than you can say for his little pin-dropping mate on the shoulder. He takes off deep and manages to stick a pretty hefty air drop, loses his balance … then his footing … and then gets bounced directly under the lip of a very agitated-looking chunk of the North Pacific. Watching him get set upon by that much ocean is akin to watching someone get trampled by every bull at Pamplona. Maybe not your winner, but an entertaining few seconds nonetheless.
Pedro Calado, Puerto Escondido
I did the same thing as Pedro here on a four-footer the other day and it rattled the hell out of me. God only knows what’s going through the poor Brazilian charger’s head as he ricochets down the face and waits to get sucked over the falls of a wave so big I’m not even going to bother putting a number on it. Even the bird that flys through mid-clip wants nothing to do with that monster.
Tom Dosland, Jaws
It’s pretty crazy to think that of all the nuts stuff that went down at Jaws over the El Nino season, this wipeout of Tom Dosland’s is the only one to make the cut. Still, it’s an absolute thumper. The big Hawaiian falls from so high up that he reaches the end of his leggie before he’s finished and as a result gets flipped squarely on his head. Then comes the rinsing that follows, while the guys in the channel make sure a moment he’d rather forget is captured from five different angles.
Garrett McNamara, Mavericks
The cameraman pretty much says it all with this Garrett McNamara/Mavericks collaboration. Oh my God! The utter distance he covers as he bounces down the face is superhuman. The whitewater that cleans him up next is like an avalanche in full-scale. This would have to be a frontrunner for the title, but I don’t know if any amount of prize money could ever make a hiding like this worth it.
Niccolo Porcella, Teahupoo
Even after all the exposure this clip of Italian masochist Niccolo Porcella received, it’s hard not to be impressed. This is a wipeout for the thoroughly desensitized, for those who’ve seen the worst the internet has to offer. The drama of realising he’s about to lose it, the spectacle of watching his body get sucked over the falls, the pure sadistic pleasure of seeing him driven into the reef—it’s all too much. God bless you, Niccolo, you’ve earned my vote!
Now who gets yours?
